The Tell Tale Breastpump
I've been trying to build up a milk supply in the freezer for those times when the all-you-can-eat boob buffet is closed and someone is giving Xavi the bottle. My generous friend rebeezee gave me her Medela Pump In Style electric double pump, which makes expressing milk a quick and painless endeavor. The odd thing about this pump is the mechanical noise it makes. It's rhythmic and repetitive, like you'd expect, but the frequency and tone make it sound almost like a human voice.

At first it sounded to me like the pump was saying "Time to go. Time to go. Time to go. Time to go." It always made me feel a little hurried. But lately, as I've been pumping I hear a different phrase: "Why'd you do it? Why'd you do it? Why'd you do it? Why'd you do it?" I sit there with funnel-like contraptions on my breasts, milk gushing forth, wondering what the machine means. I wrack my brain for something to feel guilty about. What did I do? And how does the machine know my secrets?!!!

It's like a little sit-down with my conscience every time I pump!